Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dear Ok Chick

Dear OK Chick,

I am a fairly new dedicated follower to your blog. I have found it to be a nice break during the day to read your “ramblings”, or read about “The perfect purse”. Reading your witty thoughts, or stories about your blind dates, and even what the cooking lady brought to eat can have me cracking up in my office, and leaving my poor co-worker wondering what on earth I am reading.
Last week you posted a letter from one of your loyal followers and it triggered something in me to ask you for your help/opinion as well. You have such an insight to people, a talent of match making, and you dating advise… priceless!!

So here’s the story… We (me and a new guy) started talking/hanging out a little over a month ago. So far things have been going good. He is what we all want to have… a guy who will give you your space and not make you feel smothered. I will get random text during the day to see how my day at work is going, sometimes a call in the evening to say hi and check on how I am doing (but not a lot of text and not a phone call every day). We don’t hang out during the week, just talk. On the weekends we have been hanging out Friday and Saturday night, sometimes just the two of us other times with our friends. The reason I am writing is because I am confused on whether or not he is into me. We all know the book “He’s just not that into you” (if you don’t I suggest you read – I vouch OK Chick will agree with me).
Because of the fact I hear from him at least once a day makes me think “He is into me”, but since we don’t see each other during the week leads me to the rule… He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t make time for you. So I would love to hear your opinion.

I just want to lay an important note out. I am not the one that texts first, it’s him.

Completely Confused (CC)!!

Hello CC!

Thank you for the wonderful comments. I'm so happy you enjoy my Ramblings and other antidotes on life. I realize most of the stuff I post on this blog is unimportant, but I see my main goal for the blog, to make people laugh/smile, is fulfilled.

Alright CC, let's get down to business. You have a classic problem: Does he like me, or does he think I'm just a cool girl? I see it all the time. The fact that he's been consistent with his text messaging and calling is a pretty good sign. However, I do find it odd that you have not gone on a date. Well, I'm assuming you have not gone on a date, since you did not mention it in your letter. I am fully aware that now days there is a "hanging out" period for a couple. This is usually a time when couples see if they would like to go on a date with the other person. It sounds like you are in the "hanging out" stage, which is good. But it has been my experience that the "hanging out" period is usually only a few weeks. Most of the time, people can decide if they want to pursue anything after a few times of hanging out. CC, I do not understand why this "hanging out" period has been going on for a month or longer?

I believe my Matchmaking Hero Patti, from Millionaire Matchmaker, would totally pitch this guy to the curb. She would not put up with a guy hanging out with a girl whenever he felt like hanging out. No sir, Patti would make the man either shape up or ship out! And by shape up I'm talking, a date that involves fine food. Now, fine food for me is 4 star restaurant, but that's just me; and I'm single so take that however you want. But I do stand by the fact that you need to go on a real date. I'm talking an old fashion date; he picks you up, gives you flowers, pays for dinner, and then takes you roller skating. If he's not willing to take you on a date, then you need to move on sister. Tell him to hit the road, and tell him not to come back NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE...ummm you get the picture.

CC, I hope this helps you. But to be on the safe side, since I have basically zero experience in dating, we'll ask Blogger World. Folks, please help CC on this issue. And no CC is not me!

OK Chick


Scotty said...

+1 to OK Chick. If you're into him you need to go on a date.

Two things could be going on - 1) he likes hanging out with you as a friend and nothing more. 2) he likes hanging out with you and would like it to be more, but doesn't want to risk not hanging out with you anymore.

Make him do #2. You'll both be better off in the end, no matter what comes of it.

Hmm.. I don't mean number 2. I just mean the one from above. Nevermind.

TC said...

Unless he actually asks you out - he's not interested. He's just being a good friend. I learned this lesson the hard way :)

Anonymous said...

Dear CC-

There is nothing wrong with the "hanging out" period in a relationship. It's a safe way to get to know someone without there being this extra pressure of instantly rushing into a relationship. The best and most fulfilled relationships are those that form out of a healthy friendship first.

Before we continue though I want to ask is that REALLY want you want in a guy? One who will give you your space and not make you feel smothered? What other qualities does he have that make him the guy you want? I hope there are other things you find more important when looking for a guy. I may not know you 'CC' but I can hope you think more highly of yourself and what you deserve. Consider his personality? Religion? Manners? Thoughtfulness? Responsibility and more importantly his salary :-)

With that being said, watch your actions and make sure you don't start coming across as clingy or desperately needing to know what you are, or rather what title you two have. If you start to develop feelings towards him and this 'hanging out' period keeps going on for another month (or more) then it is safe to have an open conversation to explain your feelings. Males are intimiated by females, we just don't like to show it. This day in age it is perfectly normal for a girl to be more forward and it doesn't make the guy any less of a man if you initiate any type of conversation. For now, hold off though and see where this 'hanging out' period will take you.

CC--keep doing what you're doing. Let him initiate those texts and phone calls. Don't be afraid to meet him half way though. A guy likes to be pursued as well, so feel free to text him randomly too. Small details like this will only enhance the friendship.

Renee said...

When I was reading CC's letter I had to wonder if this guy was married.

But I have to agree with OK Chick here, unless he forks out the bucks for a date it's time to send this guy walkin.

It's so sad that our society has come to accept this "friends with benefits" crud. I think it just allows guys to take even longer to make up their minds. If we make guys wait until they're married for benefits I think they would become much more decisive!

Anonymous said...

CC Here~
Anonymous who had the long post you had lots of good things to say and consider (as did Scotty, TC and Renee) thank you all. He does have a good job, just bought him a house not to long ago, he goes to church, sounds like he has a good family. He as been very considerate and respectful to myself there has not been any pressure to take things to another level.
I am making sure not to come across as a clingy, needy girl so far I have been very good at that. Not going to lie there are times when I feel like slapping him upside the head and saying come on let's go do something, plan something I would like to see you. But I know he has his things going on during the week and I have my things going on and I'm not going to cancel and I don't expect him to cancel. We'll see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

Ally said...

So have you guys kissed? Held hands?

Gena said...

Ooh, I love these posts. CC, I think you should give him a little longer. Not too much, though. A month is an awfully long time to only text. You two should be going out IN PUBLIC where you can take your relationship to the next level. Beware a guy that only wants to pick up Taco Bell at 10 p.m. and eat it while sitting in his car. Trust me, I know.

Anonymous said...

CC Here~
We have kissed and we have held hands. We go out on the weekends sometimes just the two of us and other times with our friends. When we go out he always picks up my tab, it's just during the week we do nothing. That's where I am getting confused. I feel like if he was into me then we would occasionally see each other during the week...

OK Chick said...

Thanks guys! Everyone left great comments for CC.

d.j. iverson said...

wow, i'm one day behind and i miss a great post.

Don't sweat the weekdays. At least not now. But call him out on it. From what it sounds like he, like a majority of my friends, have pretty packed weeks. Things start to add up when you've been single a while. I kid you not when I say my next plan-free night is two weeks from today.

Call him out on it though. Talking it out is always the best answer.

And ask him out on a week night, see what he says.