Beloved News Media,
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I have had it up to my eyeballs with your whining, opinions, and worthless thoughts! Please, before I stab my right eye out, just- stop- talking! I do not need to be told how to spend my money. I realize the stock market is going down. However, some of us are smart enough to know that you buy when it’s low and sell when it’s high. Also, I get that you are for Obama, but not everyone is for Obama. Please be a doll and stop telling me that “The American People” did not side with McCain two minutes after a debate. How do you know what “The American People” are even thinking…THE DEBATE JUST ENDED!!!!!
To my fellow neighbors:
What’s up with the fake flowers in flower beds? You do realize it is middle of October? So it’s very unrealistic that your Gerber Daisies are still in full bloom. Yesterday I ran around the neighborhood and counted 4-5 house that were working the fake flower look. I guess I should be praising you for such a genius idea; beautiful flowers and no hard work. My only suggestion is let’s try to keep the fake flowers in season.
Dear Mama Spears,
STOP! Please stop while you are ahead. It was one thing for you to release your book as daughter #1 was going through an awful, awful time in her life. And it was another, when daughter #2 came out that she was pregnant at age sixteen. But, I draw the line at you releasing a movie about your life. We don’t care! Also, Julia Roberts called and she doesn’t want to play you in the movie.
I just discovered your sugar free syrups. WOW! Where have these been hiding all my life? Thank- you for developing products for us health freaks.
Dude, I pity you when judgment day comes. Your new movie might get some laughs, but I don’t think the Big Man Upstairs is laughing.
Best of Luck,