Wednesday, July 2, 2008

To Ask or Not That's the Question

Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It’s just so frustrating!
Phoebe: Why don’t you ask him out?
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! That’s such a turn-on!
Rachel: Really? It doesn’t seem desperate?
Joey: Oh-ooh, that’s the turn-on.

Blogger World, you know I’m a woman of the 21st Century. I believe women can do anything men can do. I believe in wearing sunscreen and recycling to save our earth. I believe that we should eat more things that come from the ground than from a drive-thru. I thank Al Gore everyday for inventing the internet and the wonderful people at Apple for inventing iTunes and iPods. I am 100%, with out a doubt, in tune with the 21st Century. However, one 21st Century trend I cannot get into is women asking guys out on dates. Now don’t misunderstand me, I think it’s perfectly fine if a woman ask a guy out; and I’ve done it before. Heck, I did it in high school and college. When I was in high school I asked a guy to prom, twice, two different years, and he turned me down both times. I kid you not! It’s my friend Keri’s favorite story. She loves to tell people the story. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is I can ask a guy out, I just don’t like to do it.

Yesterday I was told by two different people that I need to ask a guy out. It’s a guy in my MBA program. We will call him Guy #4. I like Guy #4. He’s a cool guy and he is really nice. Guy #4 has bought me lots of non-fat Chai drinks throughout the year, so he’s high in my book. When the first person suggested I ask Guy #4 out I was wishy washy about the issue. Then a second person suggested the same thing. However, the second person was making it a dare which was enticing me to prove him wrong. Needless to say, I had two people telling me to ask Guy #4 out. But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t shake a couple thoughts. Here are my thoughts: Why should I ask out Guy #4? If he wants to ask me out he’ll do it. It’s been my experience that when I do ask a guy out it never works. Sure, the guy goes out with me once, but that’s the only time we go out. I’m assuming it’s because the guy was never interested in me to begin with, which is why he didn’t ask me out!

Normally, I would take this problem to my favorite sitting in class website, Cosmo. However, my company does not feel that Cosmo is a work appropriate website. Since no Cosmo, I turn to Blogger World for your opinions. Back in January we established that I wasn’t good at this dating thing. Remember, I had three guys ask me out and it took them forever to actually take me out. Really only one of those guys actually took me out. Oh ok two, since Guy #2 just took me out last week. So maybe I’d do better with this dating stuff if I just went around doing all the asking. But I don’t want to do that. Actually, I’m not going to do that…I don’t care if I don’t have another day for the rest of my life. I will take up knitting to pass the time. OK, so I didn’t mean that at all. I would suck at knitting. I can’t even sew a button! Anyway, what I’m trying to say is… I think I’m going to go against the two people and not ask the guy out? I think.


Renee said...

I don't have any experience in this area. But going on your past posted experience of when you ask a guy out that's usually your last date, I would have to pass.

These guys are fickle. And like I mentioned to TC it seems that they are like little kids who are tired and need to go to bed, but would rather stay up an play because that's more fun than going to sleep.

There must be something in the super secret rule book for guys that says that they should never share their feelings and never settle for any girl cuz a better one might come along at any moment.

Good luck out there.

monamachel1 said...

How much longer do you have in this class?? If you just started it, I would hint around to him about going out. If it is almost over, just ask him. Really, if he says no, you only have a couple of more times to see him then you won't ever have to see him again!!!!
However, if you start hinting around and he seems interested, ask for a "non-date". One of those "I want to see this movie (feel free to insert anything in place of movie) but I can't find anyone to go with me. Hey, what are you doing?" dates. Then, see what happens. I call those non-dates. It begins as a "lets be friends outside of class" things but if you have a good time, it becomes a date!!!!!

Holly said...

I agree with you, no asking guys out. I think your rationale is very good and that if a guy is really interested in you, then he will ask you out! And if he doesn't, he may not be the kind of guy that you want anyway. It is okay to have high standards!

TC said...

OMG, I swear we are living the same life... only however many miles apart OKC and Madison are.

Have you read the book He's just not that into you? A friend lent it to me yesterday with a sticky note on it that said "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!" Well, I took it home last night and read the entire book! Literally, cover to cover, the entire book. (Granted, I read fast, but still!)

And after reading it... I'm even more torn on the advice to give you. Because prior to reading it, I would have said, "What do you have to lose? Why not ask him? Maybe he's shy. Maybe he doesn't want to risk it being awkward and weird if you two go out and don't click like you have in class." Etc., etc., etc. The point is, I would have come up with dozens of excuses and encouraged you to ask him out.

After reading the book though... I don't know. They said the same thing you did, that literally everyone they interviewed for the book said that when they had asked a guy out, it had ended badly. Every time. That they had no proof of the girl being the pursuer being good for a potential future relationship.

And really... the whole point of the book is to tell you that if he's into you, you'll know it. No questions, no second guessing him, no wondering why he hasn't made a move because he'll have made one. In other words, girls are NEVER supposed to be the pursuers, are never supposed to wait around for a guy to make up his mind, etc.

Which of course makes me question whether or not I'm going to call this one boy since he hasn't contacted me, but that's a whole other story. Of course, to counter their advice, I think back to the chapter they wrote about sticking around for several years if he says he's "just not ready for marriage" and I know for 100% certainty that if my sister-in-law hadn't been patient (seriously patient) with my brother, I would not have a beautiful niece and nephew to my name today. So...

Bottom line. I'm gonna say no. It was your gut instinct, and I think you should stick to it. Plus, I'm old fashioned and still think guys should ask girls out. Though we know how well that's working out for me, so take that with a grain of salt!

Ben, Kelly and Sophie said...

Ummm, I can't sew a button either. I can kinda sew a button ONTO something, but man, to actually SEW A BUTTON (it's made of plastic!)? That's a high standard you've set for yourself. Let me know how that works for you.

Bone said...

Don't do it, OK Chick. Be strong.

There are ways to let him know you're interested, and even single. Then it's up to him.

Unless he's just painfully shy or something, and you probably wouldn't want to deal with that down the road anyway.

But seriously, you're in great shape, you're successful, funny, and good-looking. What is wrong with these guys?

TC said...

So...update us. Did you ask him or stick with your guns?

auntlinda34 said...