I’m coming to you live from my living room. I’m going to keep a running diary of tonight’s Dancing with the Stars. Yes, I really have absolutely nothing to do tonight.
7:59- It starts. Right now they are giving us a review of the three couples. It’s so dramatic. After our dramatic review they remind us of the famous audience members they’ve had: Lance Bass, Mrs. Brady, and Lance Bass.
8:01- Tom and Samantha introduce themselves. Hello, we know who you are.
8:02- They are bringing everyone back from the season for one dance together. Each couple is given a 2 second spot light on the dance floor. Oh Miss America is here, she was my favorite. Heather Mills just walked out, she didn’t lose her leg.
Yup, the ones that couldn’t dance still can’t.
You know, Lissa Gibson still looks good for being 50. Well, she does. WOW look at Billy Ray. I don’t remember him being a good dancer. He’s really getting into it, for his two second spot light. Ian spent his two seconds sliding into the camera…that was pointless.
8:06- More reviewing of the three couples. You know you could probably never watch this show, tune in for the last night and feel like you know what’s going on. Like myself. I personally didn’t watch it last night so this review is good for me, unlike my cousin who watched it last night. Ten bucks says she’s bored right now.
Oh he did not! Joey did his signature move. You know the move from the song “Bye Bye Bye”. HELLO you can’t use an NYSIC move. See that’s why I have problems with Joey winning…he’s a dancer. My vote is for Apolo!
8:10- Scores- well I can’t type fast enough. Someone is 58, someone is 56, and I don’t know what the last couple is, or who the last couple even was. Sorry…I’m not good at this.
8:13- Boston Legal commercial. I’m predicting we get at least four Boston Legal commercials in this hour.
8:15- Oh Drew and Emmit are in the audience tonight. Emmit is cool! I totally would have voted for him last year.
Oh good grief, they are giving us a history on ballroom dancing. ZZZZZZ
If you can’t fill an hour then do it in a half hour.
8:16- Did you know the first season had a different co-host? I wonder what season they added Samantha?
8:17- Ok, you can’t play “We Will Rock You” when you are showing clips from previous years. Hello it’s Dancing with the Stars, not NCAA Tournament!
8:19- Drew Lachey just said Dancing with the Stars didn’t help his career. Uh Drew, it did.
8:20- The real dancers are now dancing one song together- wasting more time. I believe this is the most clothes the girls have worn all season. It was a pretty good dance, nothing special. I could do it with my eyes closed.
8:24- 28 countries have copied our Dancing with the Stars. Are we getting money for this?
8:26- MORE REVIEWING! Now we are looking back at last year’s winner. You know Emmit really was a great dancer. Emmitt just told ABC they need to improve on their trophy.
8:29- Introducing the finalist. It only took thirty minutes to get to this point.
8:34- My boy Apolo is up first! GOOO Apolo. Did he get a haircut? I believe he did. They are doing the dance…umm I can’t spell what they are doing, but they’re wearing the yellow and black outfits. Oh yea this is a good one, I watched this one the first time they did it. Good choice guys. By the way, the couples get to pick the dance they perform tonight.
Ok, they are done now the judges are going to talk to them. The judges are dressed up-they all look nice. What is Len wearing? Len gave them praises…he’s like the Simon in the bunch. Carrie Ann…I like her name. She too gave them praises. Oh wait Bruno is like Simon. Sorry. Bruno gave them praises as well. Looks like everyone liked the dance. Carrie-10, Len-10, Bruno-10! 88 total score
8:45- Next dancer up is Joey. They are doing the tango, which I find interesting because they only received a 24 with the tango. The Star Wars theme is the music they are using. I mean, they spiced it up but it’s the Star Wars theme. I thought they did ok. I didn’t really like this dance the first time they did it. I do dig the light saver.
Bruno just complimented Joey’s butt. I believe all the judges gave praises to the couple. I can’t really tell but I think it was all positive.
8:50- Ocean’s 13 preview. I am SO excited for this movie to come out…really I am!
8:53- Scores for Joey. Carrie-10, Bruno-10, Len-10. They did improve their tango, this could be bad for Apolo.
8:54- Laila is finally up to dance. She is the last dancer and only female still up. They are doing the Mambo. I don’t know she looks pretty confident in herself. I remember this dance. Yea, I really liked this one. She does this shimmy thing that’s pretty cool. Dang it, she’s going to get a good score. All three judges give them positive reviews.
Carrie-10, Len-10, Bruno-10! Everyone got a perfect score. It’s a three way tie! Not really.
9:00- Total scores so far: Apolo-88, Joey-86, Lalia-85
9:01- Now we are thanking the people that have supported our famous contestants. WHO CARES! What about the people that have watched the flippin’ show! Again Lance Bass is showed sitting in the audience. What is it with Lance Bass? Did he attend every show! They just showed Joey’s wife. Get out…that’s his wife. Hmmm…she looks like a normal person.
9:06- Toyota commercial…I just realized this show isn’t over yet.
9:09- Finally the end. First couple off is……..Laila!!!! GET OUT! I just knew they were going to keep her to the end. WOW her husband or boyfriend looks really mad. If I were Joey or Apolo I’d run after the show. Now we have to watch another stinkin review!
Laila just said something funny. She said it doesn’t matter who wins, because she didn’t. HA, that was funny.
9:14- Another commercial break! I thought Boston Legal was coming on tonight. Why is this lasting so long? I'm already at three pages.
9:19- The first four couples who were sent packing are back for a group dance. Why do we have to watch them, they obviously suck? Oh Miss America is dancing. I really liked her. I think we would be friends…if I knew her. The basketball player is dancing. I always liked him. I thought he should have lasted a little longer. My cousin didn’t like him, we would debate about this. They are ending the group dance with the Electric Slide. NICE! You have proven to American why you got the boot.
9:27- They are dragging this out for 2 hours! Two long hours.
9:28- The rest of the stars are doing their group dance. Heather Mills is up first. She did ok. John is up second. Really, how did this guy stay on so long? He can't dance. Billy Ray is next. Well he can't dance either. He did well earlier. Ian is our last group dancer. Hopefully, he will do something besides slide into the camera. He did well...no sliding was involved this time. I bet the producers told him not to slide into the camera.
9:32- Jimmy Kimmel is doing a little thing. He's "selling" a dance DVD.
9:34- Oh good grief now we are asking the losers what their favorite part of the season. Wait...now they've changed the question to what you are going to miss about the show. Billy Ray totally plugged his new album...that was great.
9:36- I can't type anymore. I'm tired! Ok, I'm not typing anything else until the winner at 10. I'm signing off for twenty minutes. I'm sorry...I am tired of typing, this show is long.
10:00- The winner is Apolo. I'm not even excited anymore because I'm half asleep.